I want to start the blog by swearing actually, but instead I will just write some angry and surprised exclamation marks!!!!!!!!
Months ago, I have written that if I am not serious enough, I will not be taken seriously. Around 17 years ago, I realized that same damn lesson, while I was asking mildly, sheepishly, full of embarassement for a salary increase! And what the hell have I done?? I am very sorry (apology to myself) but I am truly pissed off with my self. How nice it is to be clever and have deep realizations and then only throw them in the basket or write about them in some revelatory style!!
Again and again, I do it. Sometimes, I wake up and something turns stern inside of me. Something finally turns serious and logical and not so damn soft!!! I like being soft, but for God's sake, there are times when we, as human beings, living in a human-filled world with less-than-human conditions we need to be logical and hard at times. Not necessarily mean or cruel or bad, but I cannot behave like molten cheese all the time, quite pathetic isnt it? Only after melting over and over (and I can do this about any subject in the world!) do I finally feel that something went wrong, some unfairness, some ignoring, some lack of listening, some undesirable results...and only then, do I suddenly wake up and start shouting!!!
I thought a few weeks ago before going to the leadership retreat and while I was there that I need to access this range more often; the range between passive silence and angry roaring. To be more assertive in other terms. But, that, I see now (another realization, hope I will use it :)) is a quick fix, an over simplification of the matter. For, I do often talk and express but never quite reflecting how serious this is for me. Never quite backing my requests with enough force, as if I am afraid my force would hurt others... (again this stupid feeling of responsibility over the whole world! what a boring pattern!) And I see another reason, that is brand new...well almost: here it goes: I do not know what is important for me! I mean I know that my kids are the most important, but in the small details is this translated? when it comes to money for example; money is important for me and the kids and I need it to provide a nice life and education for the kids. But on the other hand, I have my own beliefs or interests or rather lack of interest in money and so I do not always care about it enough.
For me, money is a tool. A very important tool, nevertheless, always was and always will be a tool. I am not by nature a maximization-interested person. Things either fit me or they do not. and luckily, I have a wide range of things that fit me, and I do not feel ever that I want to keep maximizing gains, or scores or objects or positions or titles. If it works for me and I am satisified and happy that is good. I still do more, I give more, I learn more but not because of a need to maximize.
So, here comes again the point, am I really clear about what I want and how I want to do it? How I want to live my life? Before being clear with others, I have to know what is important for me, what I love and what I totally do not accept and then comes the second phase which is expressing it.
I thought at a point that I should have a book of rules (not a literal book) but like a set of what I want, do not want, love and hate and also a red-fonted piece on what I will not accept. But, it does not seem practical. How the hell, will I have that thing, when life offers you daily and hourly new situations?
May be the answer is to pause for a couple of minutes and ask my self this question "How do I want this to go?" and wait for an answer, not just let the question pop in the air with their fellow question marks that fill my life.
And then take another 5 minutes or more to clearly, seriously express it. And again wait for the answer that I get back and check "Is this answer Ok for me or not?"
Very simple process!!! have no idea why we do not do that! or at least, I do not usually.
Months ago, I have written that if I am not serious enough, I will not be taken seriously. Around 17 years ago, I realized that same damn lesson, while I was asking mildly, sheepishly, full of embarassement for a salary increase! And what the hell have I done?? I am very sorry (apology to myself) but I am truly pissed off with my self. How nice it is to be clever and have deep realizations and then only throw them in the basket or write about them in some revelatory style!!
Again and again, I do it. Sometimes, I wake up and something turns stern inside of me. Something finally turns serious and logical and not so damn soft!!! I like being soft, but for God's sake, there are times when we, as human beings, living in a human-filled world with less-than-human conditions we need to be logical and hard at times. Not necessarily mean or cruel or bad, but I cannot behave like molten cheese all the time, quite pathetic isnt it? Only after melting over and over (and I can do this about any subject in the world!) do I finally feel that something went wrong, some unfairness, some ignoring, some lack of listening, some undesirable results...and only then, do I suddenly wake up and start shouting!!!
I thought a few weeks ago before going to the leadership retreat and while I was there that I need to access this range more often; the range between passive silence and angry roaring. To be more assertive in other terms. But, that, I see now (another realization, hope I will use it :)) is a quick fix, an over simplification of the matter. For, I do often talk and express but never quite reflecting how serious this is for me. Never quite backing my requests with enough force, as if I am afraid my force would hurt others... (again this stupid feeling of responsibility over the whole world! what a boring pattern!) And I see another reason, that is brand new...well almost: here it goes: I do not know what is important for me! I mean I know that my kids are the most important, but in the small details is this translated? when it comes to money for example; money is important for me and the kids and I need it to provide a nice life and education for the kids. But on the other hand, I have my own beliefs or interests or rather lack of interest in money and so I do not always care about it enough.
For me, money is a tool. A very important tool, nevertheless, always was and always will be a tool. I am not by nature a maximization-interested person. Things either fit me or they do not. and luckily, I have a wide range of things that fit me, and I do not feel ever that I want to keep maximizing gains, or scores or objects or positions or titles. If it works for me and I am satisified and happy that is good. I still do more, I give more, I learn more but not because of a need to maximize.
So, here comes again the point, am I really clear about what I want and how I want to do it? How I want to live my life? Before being clear with others, I have to know what is important for me, what I love and what I totally do not accept and then comes the second phase which is expressing it.
I thought at a point that I should have a book of rules (not a literal book) but like a set of what I want, do not want, love and hate and also a red-fonted piece on what I will not accept. But, it does not seem practical. How the hell, will I have that thing, when life offers you daily and hourly new situations?
May be the answer is to pause for a couple of minutes and ask my self this question "How do I want this to go?" and wait for an answer, not just let the question pop in the air with their fellow question marks that fill my life.
And then take another 5 minutes or more to clearly, seriously express it. And again wait for the answer that I get back and check "Is this answer Ok for me or not?"
Very simple process!!! have no idea why we do not do that! or at least, I do not usually.
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