To whom does the gift belong? Is it to the giver? or the one presented it?
In Islamic religion, there is a quote that encourages gift giving as it increases human caring and good feelings. In a positive posychology workshop, the professor said that gifts are basically not a good thing, because the giver sort of binds or obliges the person given the gift by this gift. In a book about negotiation, I have read about the reciprocity rule; which basically says that the natural reaction of being offered a gesture or a thing is to do the same back. So, in adverstisement, this might be used as a way to trick you!
But for me it is different. I love giving gifts. Let me pause here and wonder if my intentions are as pure as I think or not....Well, originally, to me, giving gifts is for two main reasons: to make the other happy, and as an expression of care and love. The more I love someone, the more presents there is :) of course, there might be (probably is) a sweet, silent request to " Love me back", "Pamper me, too", but the main bulk of it is simply to extend love and bring joy.
Why we buy gifts, however, is different from one giver to another, one receiver to another and one situation to another. But we have our own, sort of , reasons and patterns, even in giving. It is not as straightforward as it might look like. Before, going further would you answer this question, please?
If you are taking sweets while you are invited for dinner for example, what do you usually do (not what you think should be done (nothing really should be done:)?
a- Pick your favorite sweets?
b- Pick the cheapest sweets, as it wouldnot matter much?
c- Pick the most generally popular sweets that most people would like?
d- Pick the fanciest and most expensive sweets to be in the safe side?
e- Pick the sweets you think your host would like?
f- Make your own sweets ? and why?
I have been told that I am talented in picking gifts. I would remember that nice bag you looked at 6 months ago and I would search for it, when it is your birthday. I would memorize your shoe size or ring size and get you that thing that matches your colour or the outfit you purchased a month ago. To me, it is like bringing to your life what you would have liked to have and for some reason did not.
Actually, as I reflect, I put myself in the other person's shoe or aura (if you want it more spiritual) when I buy them things. It does not always work with my teen-age daughter though :)
To answser the question above, I would buy the fanciest for those I care about and do not know much about them and also if I think they are fancy people, who like expensive things.
For those whom I do not care much, I would buy a popular box of sweets. For those I dislike, and have to get a gift, I might buy a cheap box, but not the cheapest. And for those I love, I would definitely put myself in their shoes, remember the moments they were happy and what they liked and enjoyed and whether they like milk chocolates? Godiva? marzipan filled sweets or what other exotic flavor they savored. I would also at special occassion, if I have time, do my very best to make them special sweets, even if small. So, I change my giving pattern to match how I like the reciever and how much I know them and love them. I buy blue things with some fancy details for my mum! I search for knowledge-stimulating stuff for my son (but I do not always find interesting stuff) and sometimes, I do things myself like writing letters or peoms or paiting ceramics to simply show that this is specially for you.
The answer I beleive is: The gift belongs to the receiver, not the giver.
When we give, is it because we want to give? or is it because the receiver would be happier if he received? and I am not talking about gifts. I am talking about giving. Giving care or concern, giving advice, time, giving tissues to wipe our tears, giving fun, or giving money...whatever we are giving.
If I am down, so terribly down, and I explicitly do not want to talk. Should I be given by my friends care in the form of visits/ calls/ talks/ advice or should they not? or should I not? Is it about me more or them more? the giver or the receiver?
I believe that when we give we need to give what the receiver needs. Giving should not be simply an opportunity to pour whatever we have on the poor/lucky receiver. Giving is an opportunity to give the receiver what he wants or needs or delights in. Otherwise, giving becomes only another selfish act!
Giving a gift flavored with your touch is beautiful, but always let us think, does the receiver want this at all??
In Islamic religion, there is a quote that encourages gift giving as it increases human caring and good feelings. In a positive posychology workshop, the professor said that gifts are basically not a good thing, because the giver sort of binds or obliges the person given the gift by this gift. In a book about negotiation, I have read about the reciprocity rule; which basically says that the natural reaction of being offered a gesture or a thing is to do the same back. So, in adverstisement, this might be used as a way to trick you!
But for me it is different. I love giving gifts. Let me pause here and wonder if my intentions are as pure as I think or not....Well, originally, to me, giving gifts is for two main reasons: to make the other happy, and as an expression of care and love. The more I love someone, the more presents there is :) of course, there might be (probably is) a sweet, silent request to " Love me back", "Pamper me, too", but the main bulk of it is simply to extend love and bring joy.
Why we buy gifts, however, is different from one giver to another, one receiver to another and one situation to another. But we have our own, sort of , reasons and patterns, even in giving. It is not as straightforward as it might look like. Before, going further would you answer this question, please?
If you are taking sweets while you are invited for dinner for example, what do you usually do (not what you think should be done (nothing really should be done:)?
a- Pick your favorite sweets?
b- Pick the cheapest sweets, as it wouldnot matter much?
c- Pick the most generally popular sweets that most people would like?
d- Pick the fanciest and most expensive sweets to be in the safe side?
e- Pick the sweets you think your host would like?
f- Make your own sweets ? and why?
I have been told that I am talented in picking gifts. I would remember that nice bag you looked at 6 months ago and I would search for it, when it is your birthday. I would memorize your shoe size or ring size and get you that thing that matches your colour or the outfit you purchased a month ago. To me, it is like bringing to your life what you would have liked to have and for some reason did not.
Actually, as I reflect, I put myself in the other person's shoe or aura (if you want it more spiritual) when I buy them things. It does not always work with my teen-age daughter though :)
To answser the question above, I would buy the fanciest for those I care about and do not know much about them and also if I think they are fancy people, who like expensive things.
For those whom I do not care much, I would buy a popular box of sweets. For those I dislike, and have to get a gift, I might buy a cheap box, but not the cheapest. And for those I love, I would definitely put myself in their shoes, remember the moments they were happy and what they liked and enjoyed and whether they like milk chocolates? Godiva? marzipan filled sweets or what other exotic flavor they savored. I would also at special occassion, if I have time, do my very best to make them special sweets, even if small. So, I change my giving pattern to match how I like the reciever and how much I know them and love them. I buy blue things with some fancy details for my mum! I search for knowledge-stimulating stuff for my son (but I do not always find interesting stuff) and sometimes, I do things myself like writing letters or peoms or paiting ceramics to simply show that this is specially for you.
The answer I beleive is: The gift belongs to the receiver, not the giver.
When we give, is it because we want to give? or is it because the receiver would be happier if he received? and I am not talking about gifts. I am talking about giving. Giving care or concern, giving advice, time, giving tissues to wipe our tears, giving fun, or giving money...whatever we are giving.
If I am down, so terribly down, and I explicitly do not want to talk. Should I be given by my friends care in the form of visits/ calls/ talks/ advice or should they not? or should I not? Is it about me more or them more? the giver or the receiver?
I believe that when we give we need to give what the receiver needs. Giving should not be simply an opportunity to pour whatever we have on the poor/lucky receiver. Giving is an opportunity to give the receiver what he wants or needs or delights in. Otherwise, giving becomes only another selfish act!
Giving a gift flavored with your touch is beautiful, but always let us think, does the receiver want this at all??
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