Healing....way back home..

London- Chelsea park

You have been with me for some time now.. you have shared how I exited heaven.. then how I went there again... you might know that, despite all, I am not always happy..I might seem crazy, too complex, too sensitive.. and that is all true.  I am no more ashamed to admit it joyfully and with pride.

I could put down  a long bullet numbered list of reasons and justifications why I go up to the skies.. get hit by lightning.. fall to the ground.. and then rise again.  It might not be understandable for everyone, and I might not be willing to expose myself to that extent.... no longer, however, for fear of what I have inside.. no more scared to be me.. no more of that..

But may be the difference now is that I know my way back home.  I know various roads..some short and tricky.. others long and easy..and yet, I am sure there are even more ways to carry me back.. and I have devised new tricks of leaving bread crumbs all the way, like Hansel &Gretel.... little words sprinkled here and there.. so that when I can't properly see the keyboard with my teary eyes.. I can still touch my way back..

Some research needs to be done, first.  Some paths need to be explored..and some wrecks need to be cleared away from the streets... GPS is not available... hidden historical maps?may be..

It may be as easy - or difficult- as opening your heart to a friend.  It might be drawing, or dancing or skiing or sculpting.. or any other hobby that you may chose to explore.. It might have been there lying in your attic for long..or a new area of life for you to discover.. 

It might be taking a walk in the forest.. or on the banks of the Nile..or the Seine, or the Thames or the beloved Volga..It might be taking yourself out to the park, picnic in hand, and getting into an "all ears" status..

Most of the above would work for me to lesser or greater degrees... but I found my way out..through writing!

Today, a zillion feelings raced through me..My day was slow.  I dozed on and off.   I opened google, checked my emails.. nothing interesting.. closed google and opened it again.   Today, I opened my blog every half an hour.. expecting nothing and finding that, too; nothing.  Dozing off wherever I parked..the day did not move.  I pushed the hours away.. but they wouldn't bulge.  I went to the supermarket,  but that was not ,for the first time, time-consuming enough..

Then I sat down and wrote.. I wrote it all... all the emotions that came to feast on me today..I asked them all.  And as I was sketching them with my pencil, I saw other shabby emotions draped in multi-layered gray.  I could not recognize its face..new to me..but then with a bit of more sketching here they were all standing in-front of me.  I saw myself.  And then, I knew what I had to do.  I looked around at the green scenery on my canvas.. I turned it right.. put some light, and then I found it.. the spot where I want to be...only a few steps away.. I moved.   I stood there in that sunny green spot.  A feather was lying on the grass, and I thought may be this is the thing"that perches in the heart; hope".  I sat there silently.  Then I stood.  I looked up high.  I raised my head..and breathed in the sun.  Still feels comfortable. Decision made. This where I stand.   I decide to check for rentals..

And here I am.  BACK!  My soul goes through transitions... healing comes with the movement of my spirit from one planet to another.. from one spot to the next, until it resonates.. until that spot welcomes me as much as I..her.

We shall all fall...shall all spend some time in a mezzanine floor.. hanging out at floors that are not ours..that is OK.   But where is your emergency exit? what is your healing process? If anything is important, then that is.. What is your healing process???   I am blessed to have writing, which excavates all the swelling facts and emotions.  And then, things automatically and swiftly come in place.  Then, I see.  I choose.  I go back home.