I realized yesterday that out of the whole 30 days of June, I have worked so far only like 6 days!!! and yet, it was the most hectic month of the year so far!!! not that anything happened extraordinarily.. no big chunks taken from my time to fight a fire.. no major problems (thank God) nothing.. really..
I guess it was the chaos in my head..in my heart and consequently all around. I felt lost.. chattered most of the time. I wanted to do things.. lots of things..and I didn't. I started stuff and left them out.. and I thought and thought.. not following a single thread of thought. And now I feel I want some grounding.
I want to sit on my own.. and lay around me all the pages of my life like a pack of cards.. and take one by one and look at each.. thoroughly. I want to sit still..be silent. I want to disconnect from the world outside and let the clatter inside come out and stack themselves quietly where they please.
Even in my various days off, that was not the case. I can hardly remember what was the case. I didn't exercise, read, tidy up, pamper myself, work, have lengthy conversations with the kids. What was I doing? It was going up and down a virtual ladder of nothingness.. or rather the same ideas that have come to occupy me.. like a submissive land.
But enough! Today, I have my chance. The house is empty. My family have travelled somewhere for a couple of days..and I have the house, my own physical land for myself. I have the time for myself, to almost do whatever I please with it, like a an empty bowl..and I have me.
I remember once at meditation, there was this exercise in which you visualize yourself as a tree and you - closing your eyes- imagine you.. tall.. and deep.. nourished by the soil...joyful by the sun..and then you can extend your branches.. this is the picture I keep visualizing eyes open :)
So, I started the day calmly. I am no longer forcing myself to do anything. But, I am keeping the quiet stillness inside. I am not answering phones, except the ones I have to or want to. I am elminating all excess clatter. And phyiscally, I realized that I want to organize my million papers, files and books...I am organizing them into topics: coaching, leadership, happiness, assessement centres, training, miscellaneous.. I am still half way through..but it is already giving me a good sense of peace..
Tuning the world today to my tune.. is marvellous.. I do not have to dance to anybody's song.. I don't have to dance at all, if I don't want to. I don't have to do anything. But, I am doing things.. all the things that are coming naturally in a space of mine.
How many times, we run..in someone else's marathon... or go and come to and fro reaching nowhere. Clarity! yes, that's it quiet clarity, that's my quest today. It can be lazy. It doesn't have to, though. It can be whatever it wants to be.. and that's cool.
For without roots, without seeing our trunk..our branches are not really within our control. Today, is mine. Today, I live for me. Today, create my own space and I ground.
I guess it was the chaos in my head..in my heart and consequently all around. I felt lost.. chattered most of the time. I wanted to do things.. lots of things..and I didn't. I started stuff and left them out.. and I thought and thought.. not following a single thread of thought. And now I feel I want some grounding.
I want to sit on my own.. and lay around me all the pages of my life like a pack of cards.. and take one by one and look at each.. thoroughly. I want to sit still..be silent. I want to disconnect from the world outside and let the clatter inside come out and stack themselves quietly where they please.
Even in my various days off, that was not the case. I can hardly remember what was the case. I didn't exercise, read, tidy up, pamper myself, work, have lengthy conversations with the kids. What was I doing? It was going up and down a virtual ladder of nothingness.. or rather the same ideas that have come to occupy me.. like a submissive land.
But enough! Today, I have my chance. The house is empty. My family have travelled somewhere for a couple of days..and I have the house, my own physical land for myself. I have the time for myself, to almost do whatever I please with it, like a an empty bowl..and I have me.
I remember once at meditation, there was this exercise in which you visualize yourself as a tree and you - closing your eyes- imagine you.. tall.. and deep.. nourished by the soil...joyful by the sun..and then you can extend your branches.. this is the picture I keep visualizing eyes open :)
So, I started the day calmly. I am no longer forcing myself to do anything. But, I am keeping the quiet stillness inside. I am not answering phones, except the ones I have to or want to. I am elminating all excess clatter. And phyiscally, I realized that I want to organize my million papers, files and books...I am organizing them into topics: coaching, leadership, happiness, assessement centres, training, miscellaneous.. I am still half way through..but it is already giving me a good sense of peace..
Tuning the world today to my tune.. is marvellous.. I do not have to dance to anybody's song.. I don't have to dance at all, if I don't want to. I don't have to do anything. But, I am doing things.. all the things that are coming naturally in a space of mine.
How many times, we run..in someone else's marathon... or go and come to and fro reaching nowhere. Clarity! yes, that's it quiet clarity, that's my quest today. It can be lazy. It doesn't have to, though. It can be whatever it wants to be.. and that's cool.
For without roots, without seeing our trunk..our branches are not really within our control. Today, is mine. Today, I live for me. Today, create my own space and I ground.
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