I wake up with a myriad of emotions.. they are so many.. so confused.. so agitated and muffled at the same time, that it is literally impossible to decipher or even describe..
I will try to list some, so you know where I actually am... I am bored to death.. the Internet is very slow.. I am going out and I "should" get ready and I hate the process of getting ready.. the day seems to have so much to go .. yet it does not move .. I am also excited about projects and travels..I feel far more relaxed than before.. yet.. it feels like there are still a million pirana fish inside of me nibbling on my guts..while I am writing this.. and yet.. remember I am bored still... the boredom that feels like waiting.. and you do not even know what you are waiting for ...
Anyway, there is also a feeling of being victimized, guilt, fairness, struggle, hope, ambition, surrender.. well, I changed my mind.. the list can almost include all human emotions at the same time.. that would be too long and boring.. but it also brings me to the point of this article..
Yesterday, after receiving some wonderful comments from a couple of friends, I wondered "am I playing it small? Have I not done my share.. If I really have all those qualities or skills or abilities?"
And since this cotton candy-like puff of emotions was also still inside of me yesterday.. but to a far greater extent.. it felt quite suffocating and I kept wondering "what should I do? what should I do?" "I do not know what the hell should I do?"
The next thing I did was sit down and plan on the calendar for the rest of the year. My list included studying, kids, sports, work and projects, writing, learning to play guitar and paint, creating new workshops content, and finalizing my company's website, brochure and business plan.trips with family.. trips on my own... WOW.. right?? for unknown reasons, when I looked at the list I did not feel impressed and yet.. it did not bother me much.. but it left me wondering.. again.."is this all I can do...or ... is this more than I can do? . what the hell should I do?"
"You do not have to do anything" my friends said.
Then one of my friends continued " it is not about you not doing enough.. this is very limiting..just go with the flow... just embrace life.. as it is ... be yourself.." Her words went into my heart immediately but an echo of similar words I voiced long ago.. came by ..too..reminding me..
At coaching, we once had a visualization exercise, and in that one I met my future self (20 years from now) and I asked her for advice " enjoy life.. and do what you feel is right" she said. What I feel... not what the world dictates.. and now the words of "embracing life" seem to fill my room.. I know them.. I wrote them.. I said them.. and they came back to me when I needed them...
It is a futile fight anyway... there is actually no fight at all... with life you take what it gives you.. you welcome it .. hate it .. but you get it anyway.. you can wish for it.. invite it.. call it.. you can run away from it.. pretend it is not there.. rejoice or denounce.. you can do a million things you see .. it is not as if you are helpless.. not at all.. you are far more powerful.. and you have got magical powers recipe hidden ins some shelf within the yellow pages..but powerful and magical as you are.. you do not fight with the days.. you take them in... embrace life.. and then go... or if you wish fly..
I will try to list some, so you know where I actually am... I am bored to death.. the Internet is very slow.. I am going out and I "should" get ready and I hate the process of getting ready.. the day seems to have so much to go .. yet it does not move .. I am also excited about projects and travels..I feel far more relaxed than before.. yet.. it feels like there are still a million pirana fish inside of me nibbling on my guts..while I am writing this.. and yet.. remember I am bored still... the boredom that feels like waiting.. and you do not even know what you are waiting for ...
Anyway, there is also a feeling of being victimized, guilt, fairness, struggle, hope, ambition, surrender.. well, I changed my mind.. the list can almost include all human emotions at the same time.. that would be too long and boring.. but it also brings me to the point of this article..
Yesterday, after receiving some wonderful comments from a couple of friends, I wondered "am I playing it small? Have I not done my share.. If I really have all those qualities or skills or abilities?"
And since this cotton candy-like puff of emotions was also still inside of me yesterday.. but to a far greater extent.. it felt quite suffocating and I kept wondering "what should I do? what should I do?" "I do not know what the hell should I do?"
The next thing I did was sit down and plan on the calendar for the rest of the year. My list included studying, kids, sports, work and projects, writing, learning to play guitar and paint, creating new workshops content, and finalizing my company's website, brochure and business plan.trips with family.. trips on my own... WOW.. right?? for unknown reasons, when I looked at the list I did not feel impressed and yet.. it did not bother me much.. but it left me wondering.. again.."is this all I can do...or ... is this more than I can do? . what the hell should I do?"
"You do not have to do anything" my friends said.
Then one of my friends continued " it is not about you not doing enough.. this is very limiting..just go with the flow... just embrace life.. as it is ... be yourself.." Her words went into my heart immediately but an echo of similar words I voiced long ago.. came by ..too..reminding me..
At coaching, we once had a visualization exercise, and in that one I met my future self (20 years from now) and I asked her for advice " enjoy life.. and do what you feel is right" she said. What I feel... not what the world dictates.. and now the words of "embracing life" seem to fill my room.. I know them.. I wrote them.. I said them.. and they came back to me when I needed them...
It is a futile fight anyway... there is actually no fight at all... with life you take what it gives you.. you welcome it .. hate it .. but you get it anyway.. you can wish for it.. invite it.. call it.. you can run away from it.. pretend it is not there.. rejoice or denounce.. you can do a million things you see .. it is not as if you are helpless.. not at all.. you are far more powerful.. and you have got magical powers recipe hidden ins some shelf within the yellow pages..but powerful and magical as you are.. you do not fight with the days.. you take them in... embrace life.. and then go... or if you wish fly..
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